Remember that time when...

What is it about the past that makes it so appealing and inviting? No matter how much we think about the future, there are always little things--whether it be a photo, scent, or song--that reminds us about the past.

Living away from home really makes you realize just how far away things can be. Not just the people or places at home, but also old memories. There's just something about black and white photographs, especially, that evoke a sense of lost. I looked at a few black and white photographs today (taken by a brother from another mother who I hold close to my heart--HUDSON!) and couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia and hopelessness that I won't ever get to relive those precious memories.

I never realized it before, but photographs do capture more than just an image. It has the ability to suspend time so that for a few seconds, a person could actually step back into time and relive that very moment. For me, that moment is pretty short. I snap out of it pretty quickly. But I'm left with such a yearning to turn back time.

This photo was taken at Danton's gayley apartment. We were deciding bids for our next pledge class. Gosh, that was less than a year ago but it feels like 10 years ago. Some of those people I know I'll keep in touch with for a long time in my life. And others, not so sure. Nonetheless, that moment is something that we'll never have again.

And what's worse is that I start thinking about other great memories, other precious, one-of-a-kind, once-in-a-lifetime memory that you wish could have lasted just a little bit longer. I think of the close relationships that I've gained and the ones I've lost along the way. I hate that phrase "moving on." But it can also be crippling to cling to the past.

I know that as I sit here in China thinking about home, I am going to be doing the same thing when I return to the states. But, again, it isn't really any particular person or place that I miss. It's the memories of staying up late at club powell, the countless boba runs, the birthday celebrations, the walks to class and back, the wednesday hump nights, the weekend retreats, the rush events, the weekly training sessions, the camps songs at dishes duty, the late-night cheese fries and cup ramen. It's the memories of the past that we can't really get back that really gets me.

But I think it's true what they say, "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before." I look back at my college life and smile...and cry...and laugh. I do all of that with a grin on my face.

I guess I haven't really lost anything. In fact, looking back, I think I have loved and gained and can only love again :)

(if you are not in this picture, it does not mean that I am not thinking about you or not missing you. It's just that this picture has a way of conjuring up memories of all you who read this and have touched my life)