Don't pray for an easy life; pray to be a stronger man

I knew that living in China would be a great experience for me. But I never realized until now and am still realizing it everyday the extent of how amazing and life-changing this experience is going to be for me. It's so different from studying abroad because we aren't living in dormitories where there is a group of Americans living together and hanging out after classes. Living and working in China, and being dispersed all over Shenzhen really forces you to integrate into the community. I'd imagine that you could very easily feel alone and depressed if you did not make the efforts to meet the locals.

Despite being Chinese, I've realized I have so much to learn about being Chinese. But regardless of how much the Chinese people deny my American citizenship, I can't help but feel like a foreigner in this country. Ordering food is still a chore, getting around and talking to people is always like an oral exam, and thinking about America is always in the back of my mind. I can't help but separate myself from the Chinese. To say that I want to learn about the Chiense culture so that I can learna bout my own culture would be a lie. Learning about the Chinese culture here, I think, would be like learning any other foreign culture for me. My kids and several of the faculty students today asked me, "Are you ABC?" ABC meaning American Born Chinese.

It's funny. In America, I always had to assert my Chinese heritage. But here in China, I'm offended when people do not believe that I am American. "Betwixt and Between" is what I am. In between two cultures while trying to identify exactly where I fit in this cultural spectrum.

I can't wait to see what's in store for me and the type of person I will become by the end of this year. Life right now is so exciting. I really hope that when this year comes to an end and I return to America, my life will continue to be full of new and foreign experiences. While being comfortable is so...well, comfortable. I've realized the value of struggling. Not to say that I welcome difficulties and struggles in my life. But challegnes in a different form other than exams and papers is definitely refreshing.

The people that I've met and will continue to met and form stronger relationships with make this trip such a worthwhile venture.